Mediating Family Conflict

After many years of practice which involved litigating estate, tax and probate matters before the New Mexico courts, it became clear that there HAD TO BE A BETTER SOLUTION to litigation.  I often found that all the parties were frustrated with the outcomes (and the outrageous cost) as no party truly had the opportunity to vocalize why there was a dispute in the first place and to find workable solutions instead of following a determination that some uninvolved (and often uninterested) judge would order.  In order to be a MEDIATOR, it was necessary to separate the services offered from Treveri Law, and thus, the Estates & Legacy Academy was born.  Through ELA, we offer comprehensive mediation and family education services including virtual mediations and on-line courses on topics that ALL persons seeking to have a conflict-free transfer of estate assets should access.  It is my belief that expanding my services to the on-line market will give me the greater opportunity to serve and educate on the very important topics of eldercare, incapacity management, legal document drafting, family communications and mediating conflict.  

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In this very contentious world, the concept of communication is unfortunately becoming a lost art.  Particularly when it comes to establishing estate plans, we regularly get the question - should I tell my kids or my nominated agents about all this? (Meaning should we wait for them to find out they have the responsibility of caring for me, my money and possibly my dependents, when or if something happens?)  It is unfortunately the norm that most elders are uncomfortable with explaining their decisions and nominations.  They often also feel like they would have to defend their decisions as to who would be in charge.  While all families and parents hope that their children will cooperate with each other, should the need to become caregivers, financial supervisors, trustees or personal representatives, arise, the reality is that grieving, stress, familial relationships and frankly the way that communication now occurs (texting rather than phone calls or in-person meetings) will impact how nasty or calm the transition will be.

But our children and the people you have nominated are smart and to a certain extent, you trust them, so why keep them in the dark?  Most of the agents or fiduciaries who are appointed are intelligent and resourceful - and they are well aware of the horror stories of being unexpectedly thrown into a situation of managing a parent's affairs - so why don't we communicate with them or at least teach them what estate planning is? 

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