In this very contentious world, the concept of communication is unfortunately becoming a lost art. Particularly when it comes to establishing estate plans, we regularly get the question - should I tell my kids or my nominated agents about all this? (Meaning should we wait for them to find out they have the responsibility of caring for me, my money and possibly my dependents, when or if something happens?)
It is unfortunately the norm that most elders are uncomfortable with explaining and feeling like they would have to defend their decisions as to who would be in charge and what they expect of their children, heirs and caregivers when the time comes.
But our children and the people you have nominated are smart and to a certain extent, you trust them, so why keep them in the dark? Most of the agents or fiduciaries who are appointed are intelligent and resourceful - and they are well aware of the horror stories of being unexpectedly thrown into a situation of managing a parent's affairs - so why don't we communicate with them or at least teach them what estate planning is?
" I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens " --- Woody Allen
WHY DON'T WE COMMUNICATE WITH OUR KIDS AND AGENTS?
1. Fear of death - not talking about it means it won't happen?
2. Avoiding that difficult conversation - who wants to talk about their death and what kid wants to face it?
3. It's not polite to talk about money
4. I've already told my kids I love them, or my kids know I love them... so I don't need to do it again.
4. I didn't understand what my lawyer was talking about .... and don't want to look dumb in front of the kids...
5. I don't want to be accused of 'playing favorites' since Estate Planning does require me to name someone to be in control of my affairs.
At Treveri Law, Estate planning is so much more than just creating legal documents. Leaving a 'mindful legacy' means communicating about things that are private and difficult to express but are ultimately expressions of love.
Unfortunately without adequate communication, the complex nature of managing assets, finances, taxes and family dynamics during times of grief often creates conflict such that fragile family bonds are stretched and sometimes irretreivably broken.
At Treveri Law, we provide our clients with multiple opportunities to communicate legacy wishes - by managing a Family Summit to educate future decision-makers, providing an opportunity to write legacy statements of love, faith and hope for beneficiaries and through the Neutrals Trust review offering we work with financial advisors to review existing plans in order to educate principles as well as family members. If it becomes necessary to mediate family, sibling and business conflicts during incapacity or after death we recommend our sister company, the Mindful Legacy Institute, to assist with facilitative or evaluative mediations with family members, business owners and, if necessary, the attorneys and the court.
Creating a Mindful Legacy means creating and facilitating
COMMUNICATION, EDUCATION and SUPPORT
regarding your wishes and desires around your legacy. It addresses the unknown and creates a collaborative means of providing education, information and conflict resolution through mediation if there are sibling, family or business disagreements through the full spectrum of the Estate planning and the Probate or Trust administration process.
At Treveri Law, we provide the following services:
CREATING MINDFUL LEGACY STATEMENTS
NEUTRAL ESTATE PLAN REVIEWS
At the Mindful Legacy Institute, we provide the following services:
MEDIATING SIBLING AND FAMILY CONFLICT
MEDIATING FAMILY BUSINESS CONFLICTS
Please join us at www.mindfullegacy.org to review our services